I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
