Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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