great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
