yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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