What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
