i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ladies don't puke and tell
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
