She's JV to your varsity
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
