no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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