My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
