I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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