I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
