I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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