forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
