dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
