don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
