Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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