After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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