Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
