we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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