I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
