i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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