ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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