and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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