is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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