Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
