no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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