i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
did i just pee glitter
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
