I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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