Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
