Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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