i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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