it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
