In the future we'll all be gay
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
