i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
