Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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