She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
