I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
