hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
