The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
where are my eyebrows?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
