he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just took my morning after pill in the library
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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