if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
