After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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