I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
