girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
