why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
