First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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