you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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