based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
