I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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