I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
