The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
