Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
