He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
